Surrender

For an individual who is driven to create surrendering is not something easily done.I fought,prayed,threatened,wept,and finally arrived at the gates of surrender.It was actually easier than anticipated.The stroll through the gate was quite pleasant,a relief.The Trust was paramount,leaving it up to something outside myself,this was new ground and I was stepping carefully.I was led to a few blogs that magically were about my feelings at that moment.I especially liked the idea of going into the dark of my soul and being there,seeing my fears and weaknesses and knowing there would be a turn around, a place where I could move,re birth,re focus and re channel energy,but in the meantime be in the dark,the quiet...thank you Amadon,your words inspired me.Prema's dark space made me shift,the out pouring from zaadsters was phenominal,I added my two bits and in doing that I shifted something in myself.That small shift,moved other energy and soon there were inspirational words in my email box.Thanks to all........................................On Christmas eve,early I had stoked up the hot tub and sauna,lit a fire in the bath house....lit another fire in the lodge,all these fires had put me in a good place.There is something about looking into the flames that I find calming.My friend (I will make up a name) Bridgit,was coming to spend a few days and relax here.We had met 5 years ago and there had been a bolt of energy between us.I had never felt that real,love at 1st sight,but I was sure that this was it.It was really depressing,because I was newly married and building my dream future with Sara.In fact I was pissed off at God for doing this to me.Over the years we saw each other but kept our distance knowing that we could easily hurt our respective relationships.So.......................after Sara leaves me and I am sitting at home pondering the future and what to do,a car drives up the driveway.It was Bridgit.In my despair and madness I had not even thought of her,this vision of beauty was standing there,a look of concern on her face,"Are you alright?" I felt my spirits lifting I was aware there was magic afoot.She bagan to unstrap her kayak and take down her fishing rod.As I came to help she handed me a six pack of Blue Moon and her chainsaw.This was truely an Ozark Godess.We drank abeer out on the deck and she told me that she had heard I was in need of cheering up..........................Oh yes I said,this is a great start.  She hopped in her kayak and paddled up the creek,returned 5 miniutes later with a very good looking bass.....oh yes I thought,maybe there is more to this than I ever imagined........................................................So Bridgit and I have been checking out this magnetic connection,quietly,she is also divorced now,but it is a small town...........................And there were already rumours about my split withSara,winter was coming,the retreat had died....and everything I tried failed.Hence surrender.OK,wait and see,at the last hour the phone rang and I was the reprieved man,wow,so I can count on the universe even when it is so dark I can barely see!.................................................Back to Christmas eve,Bridgit arrived at dusk,with gifts,Turkey,Hugs and Love,ahhh Love,saved by Love.We sweated,showered,and lay in the hot tub looking at a starry sky.We dreamed of the future here,and saw Tepees,Yurts, a fantastic outdoor stone kitchen,bar and fire-pit...the stars were reflecting in our eyes.Time for the cold plunge!...there was a layer of ice one inch thick covering the surface,I stamped my heel on it,it cracked,the second hit broke it,I pulled back a chunk and slid in.Oh! this is cold,no mistake...only a short visit,back into the hot tub and wild tingling....Bridgit managed the cold plunge longer,giving me that look....OK you are a Godess! As we returned to the Lodge,I noticed her kayak on the car.I asked why she had brought it,"It's yours",she said quietly.I looked at her,she was beaming at me,I stared dumbfounded at the kayak and noticed the lettering on the side  "Waterheart" I was overcome with emotion,tears were streaming down my face.I felt the turn around had begun.It was worth it to surrender.....this was becoming the best Christmas yet.....Love blossomed.We are stepping into the wonderland of our dreams.I can hardly believe that the idea that I had as a child about the love I wanted,the idea that was almost lost,because of all the not quites,almosts,well now I am too old,it aint gonna happen.That beautiful idea,that God will give us what we want,has manifested and now it can unfold before me like a magic carpet ride.Careful what you wish for! I remain in gratitude,to the universe,God,the Ancient Ones,my Friends,water,all life that shares this space with me........aaahhhh LOVE...